


Wouldn't Dream of It

by JudeAraya



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2018 Era (Phandom), Anxiety, Domestic af, Dreams, Flowers, Fluff, M/M, Sex, dumb boys panicking about feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:15:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25213036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JudeAraya/pseuds/JudeAraya
Summary: He’d woken from the kind of brilliant dream that he knew had been lovely, but whose memory faded almost instantly. All he could remember was that brilliance, colors so bright they hurt the eyes. He’d rolled over to find Dan facing him, arms wrapped around a pillow, curls wild and frizzed. His heart had ached with fondness and affection.A spur of the moment boquet of flowers leads to some vivid dreams, some insight into flower meanings, and an important conversation about their future.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 25
Kudos: 82
Collections: Phandom Reverse Bang 2020





	Wouldn't Dream of It

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nefertiti1052 (Succubusphan)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Succubusphan/gifts).



> Written for the 2020 Phandom Reversebang based on the beautiful art by [jorzuela](https://jorzuela.tumblr.com/post/623402859299569664/). I feel so so so lucky to have gotten to work with you and this piece is so beautiful
> 
> ***this fic has been nominated for Best Combo fic in the Phanfic Awards 2020 (thanks guys!). If you want to vote for it before Jan 15th, head over [here](https://phanficawards.tumblr.com/post/638591775241633792/)! ***

Phil was at the shop when they caught his eye: a cheerful bunch of sunflowers shouting for attention amongst all of the other generic flower arrangements. He wasn’t much of one to buy flowers at the shop. Dan loved flowers and on days Phil remembered this, or when he needed them for an occasion, he usually went to the florist near them. Dan had been feeling a little low recently and Phil did so love to see his smile whenever he managed to surprise Dan with a romantic gesture. 

Phil was maybe not the romantic one in their relationship, but never let it be said that he didn’t try from time to time, because it made Dan happy when he did. 

He added the flowers to his order, then juggled the two bags and the flowers as he made his way home. Ordering groceries for delivery when all they needed was a handful of items seemed wasteful. Plus, it was a gorgeous day, sunny with a scattering of those kind of puffy clouds Phil loved to watch change shape slowly as they passed overhead. Assuming Dan hadn’t already eaten while Phil was gone. They had a nice wine left over from hosting game night over the weekend. 

He was greeted by the sound of muffled shouting. He unpacked the groceries quickly, laughing as he listened to Dan. Whatever game he was playing, it must not have been going well. Phil followed the sounds and found Dan at his desk, headphones around his neck, hair a wreck from being pushed back and a deep, frustrated furrow across his brow. 

“Hey, you,” Phil said, startling Dan badly. He held in the urge to laugh. Instead, he dropped a kiss to the top of Dan’s head, flowers held behind his back. “Not going well?” 

“No, fucking wankerarse got me,” Dan started, and Phil could tell just from his tone that Dan had crossed from regular gaming rage to not having fun. 

“Yee,” he said softly. 

Dan didn’t even respond. Instead he took off his headphones and tilted his head back to fully look at Phil. “Thanks,” he said. 

“Don’t thank me yet,” Phil said around a smile. 

“Oh, god what did you do?” Dan swiveled his chair around. 

“Nothing bad,” Phil was quick to reassure. He knelt down; he hated looming over people during conversation. “I saw these and I thought of you.” 

Dan’s face was exactly as Phil had pictured it when he’d bought them—a quick flash of happiness, that infectious smile that could melt anyone (and did, often) and then a softening, lips still curved but in a private, sweet smile that was all for Phil. 

“Thank you,” he said, accepting them, tracing once finger over the cheerful yellow petals. 

“Of course,” Phil said, shoulders moving in a small shrug. He loved moving Dan, making him happy, but even still, it sometimes felt like too much. Too much luck that he should get to see this side of Dan. Too much happiness in a crazy life. So much it tightened in his chest and he wished he were the sort of man who could use words to tell Dan how much he loved him, rather than with gestures. Dan often reassured Phil that the gestures spoke as much, sometimes more than words. But Dan was also a man of words and he used them, often, with Phil. 

“Let’s get some water for these,” Dan said and bestowed Phil with a small kiss. Phil caught him by the back of the neck for a deeper kiss. Dan let him, at least for a beat, before pulling back with a laugh. “What’s gotten into you today bub?” he said. Phil could only shrug again. Even he wasn’t sure. Nothing was different today from any other day really. He’d woken from the kind of brilliant dream that he knew had been lovely, but whose memory faded almost instantly. All he could remember was that brilliance, colors so bright they hurt the eyes. He’d rolled over to find Dan facing him, arms wrapped around a pillow, curls wild and frizzed. His heart had ached with fondness and affection. 

It must have been a lovely dream. 

“Nothing,you spoon. I just wanted to do something nice,” Phil said. 

“Well, water now, then a thank you after,” Dan said. He pulled Phil up with him and then made Phil hunt down a vase while he cut the stems of the flowers. He set them on the dining table, where they’d see them as they passed every day. They were so bright they’d be impossible to miss.

Phil came up behind him, wrapping his arms around Dan. 

“D’you fancy lunch by the window? It’s beautiful out.” It was too cold to go sit outside, but from time to time they’d faux-picnic in the sunlight and pretend they were outside. 

Dan’s hands settled over Phil’s. He couldn’t resist leaving one kiss, right at the lovely curve of Dan’s neck. Dan sighed and then turned around, wrapping his arms around Phil’s neck. 

“I’m not quite hungry yet,” he said and Phil smiled. “Not for lunch anyway.” 

“Is this the part where I’m supposed to sweep you up and carry you off to bed?” 

Dan pulled back and looked him straight in the eyes. “You really must be feeling something,” he murmured. “You don’t have to tell jokes or brush it aside. You don’t even have to say anything if you don’t want.” 

Phil leaned his forehead against Dan’s, then kissed him so lightly it was barely a kiss. Words tangled and jammed up in his throat. At the very least, years together had taught them this; that Dan could know Phil meant all the words, so many words, but couldn’t always speak them. He could show them though. 

So they went to bed, where he gave Dan deep, hard kisses, the sort of kisses they didn’t often indulge in as much as they had in the beginning. Dan let him, running his fingers through Phil’s hair, muscles softening by degrees. He tilted his head and let Phil kiss down his neck, shying away only when Phil began to nip at the skin. 

“C’mon,” Dan said, stripping Phil’s shirt off. They undressed with little ceremony before settling back on the bed. Here Dan brought something else, another quality to a moment that might have been too intense for Phil—laughter. Dan pulled Phil on top of him, wrapped one leg around Phil’s ass so that their skin was touching, their bodies tight together. And then, mid-kiss, he brought his fingers up to Phil’s ribs and began to tickle him mercilessly. Phil squealed and tried to move away but Dan was much stronger than he used to be, and so Phil did the only thing he could think of, which was to bite just below Dan’s neck before sucking hard. Soon enough they were wrestling, laughing breathlessly until finally Phil was the one to pin Dan. Dan had a lovely bite mark on his neck but thankfully, they had no reason to hide it. 

“Do I get to fuck you yet or what?” Phil asked, still giggling. 

“If you want,” Dan said. He pushed Phil’s quiff back where it had fallen over his forehead. 

“I definitely, definitely want,” Phil said.

* * *

Hours later, full from their very belated lunch, they settled on the couch to catch up on Riverdale. Dan had taken up most of the couch, as he often did, wiggling his toes under Phil’s thigh. It tickled and Phil put his hand on Dan’s feet to stop him. 

“But really, why sunflowers?” Dan said, mouth full of popcorn. 

“No reason, really,” Phil said. “I just saw them and thought of you.” The dream he’d woken from lingered at the periphery of his mind. 

“So you got me meaningless flowers then,” Dan joked, and Phil squeezed Dan’s knee, where he was ticklish as fuck. The popcorn almost went flying, but thankfully Dan had much better reflexes than Phil and he caught the bowl just before catastrophe. “Wanker,” he said, so much affection weighed into the words Phil wanted to tickle him again, just to move them away from deep-feeling waters. He was exhausted and full and ready to turn off parts of his brain so he could watch something mindlessly. 

“You’re the wanker,” he joked. “Don’t think I don’t remember interrupting you the other—” 

“Okay and that’s enough of that,” Dan said, poking him with his toes. He was fiddling with his phone, having set the popcorn bowl on the table. Phil leaned and stretched to grab it. He lost himself, for a moment, in the over-the-top Riverdale universe before Dan poked him again. 

“Dedicated love,” Dan said proudly. 

“Hm?” Phil pulled his attention from the show. 

“That’s what sunflowers represent,” Dan said, waving his phone at Phil. 

“Oh, well, that’s nice then,” Phil said. If only he’d given thought to the meaning of flowers. But he hadn’t ever before and he didn’t think he was about to start now. “Good thing I didn’t accidentally buy you ‘annoying but cute’ flowers.”

“Aw, you think I’m cute?” Dan dimpled at him. 

“I think you’re mum’s cute,” Phil said, squeezing Dan’s feet again. Dan laughed easily, then sat up to grab a handful of popcorn from the bowl Phil now claimed as his. 

“I’ll be sure to tell her you fancy her next time we speak.” 

Phil shot him a look. He wasn’t quite sure what the look was, because he was torn between wanting to tune out but also, kiss Dan. He just knew his face was doing a thing, and so he aimed it in Dan’s direction. Thankfully Dan kissed _him_ , taking charge of the situation as he often did, then settled back. 

“Now, shush, and let me watch,” Dan said, smiling through Phil’s laughter.

* * *

“Mm,” Dan hummed, “Morning to you too.” 

Phil huffed an exhausted laugh against Dan’s naked shoulder blade, kissed the scoop of his neck, then rolled over and stretched. “Mhm.” 

“Hm?” Dan was dozing, which wouldn’t do. They had places to be today. 

“God, I had the _weirdest_ dreams,” Phil said. 

“Really?” Dan rolled over. He rubbed his still sleepy eyes with fisted hands; it was so fucking adorable that even years of seeing it hadn’t desensitized Phil to the sight. 

“Yeah. Flowers. So many flowers.” 

“That’s it? That’s well boring mate.” 

“No, it wasn’t though. It was so vivid.” 

“That’s odd.” Phil wasn’t one for bright dreams, or really ones that stayed with him. Dan had a wonderful dream imagination. Dan propped his head on his hand. He stroked one over Phil’s chest, mindlessly petting the hair that ran down toward the boundary of his pants. It wasn’t a come on. It was Dan’s dumb obsession with Phil’s body. 

Okay, it wasn’t dumb, and Phil loved it. But it was distracting. He put his hand on top of Dan’s. 

“Yeah, they were everywhere. In the apartment. All kinds, I don’t really even know what most of them were. They were like, a foot deep on the floors! All over the furniture. And I had to find one.” 

“What do you mean?” Dan asked. He’d well and truly snuggled in by then, head on Phil’s shoulder, arm around him tight. Phil was a bit sleep sweaty and probably wasn’t smelling his best. But, well. That was a Dan problem. 

“Like there was _one_ kind of flower I absolutely had to give you. I don’t know why but it was _really_ important. Like. Bad consequence if I couldn’t find it sort of important.” 

“And did you?” 

“Yeah. Dan, I swear every flower in the world was in that dream. The colors were so bright and the whole apartment smelled so good it was _too_ good, y’know? And in the end all I needed was a carnation? I think that’s what it was.” 

Dan rolled away and grabbed his phone to google carnations. 

“Like this?” He tilted the screen toward Phil. 

“Yeah,” Phil took the phone from Dan, scrolling through the images the search result had brought up. “But white. Like this.” 

“Like what you picked was white or it had to be white?” Dan asked. 

“You’re awfully interested in this dream,” Phil pointed out. He forced himself to sit up, groaning the whole way. He was knackered already and they had such a full day ahead of them. Dan was sleepy and soft and all the worry lines that had been dogging him recently were cleared from his face. Phil ran his fingers through Dan’s hair. He wished they could stay just like this all day. Dan closed his eyes and hummed. 

“You never have exciting dreams,” Dan complained. “I’m putting this one in the journal.” 

“In your dream journal?”

“Well yeah. I always put yours in when they’re like this.” 

“I didn’t know that!” Phil turned toward Dan. Dan sighed and sat up as well. 

“Well why would you need to? And besides, don't change the point. I need closure here.” 

“You need dream closure for a dream that wasn’t even yours?” Phil laughed. 

“Well?” Dan said, impatient and already digging through the drawer in his bedside table for his dream journal.” 

“It had to be white. There were all kinds of carnations. But it had to be white.” Phil didn’t tell Dan everything, how it felt like if he hadn’t, he’d be on the brink of losing something important. 

“And when you found it?” Dan prompted, looking up from where he was scribbling.

Phil shrugged. “And then I woke up.”

“Ugh, I _hate_ that. It’s like coitus-interruptus or something. Whatever the dream version of that is.” 

“You are so weird,” Phil said. He stepped out of his pants and tossed them in the direction of the hamper. 

“You’re one to talk. Weirdo.” 

“Your mum’s a weirdo,” Phil said over his shoulder. 

“Oi, are you having a shower?” Phil heard the thump of the journal hitting the floor as Dan scrambled out of bed. “You didn’t call it!” 

“Oh, but i’m in it,” Phil sang, turning on the water and then yelping as his person was assaulted by freezing cold water. It was worth it, though, to get the shower first. And for Dan’s shrieks of laughter, which were lovely, even when too loud, reverberating the way they were against the tiles. “Coffee. I’ll be quick if you make me coffee.” 

“That’s what you always say,” Dan said. Still he went. Phil tipped his head back under the now-warm water. The image of their apartment, overwhelmed with flowers, flittered behind his eyelids. He shrugged the image away and worked on actually showering quickly. He really, really wanted coffee before they had to get going.

* * *

“Pure love,” Dan said that night as they settled in to sleep. 

“What?” Phil was so tired his voice was slurred. 

“I looked it up. During that last meeting,” Dan said, pulling Phil’s arm around his waist tighter. 

“Is that what you were doing?” Phil wanted to be annoyed, he really did. Dan had completely checked out of their last meeting. At the time Phil had made mental excuses that Dan was struggling recently and he wasn’t really as needed, not when they trusted each other to make decisions. 

“One of the things. That last one...I was getting so tired and anxious and I started by looking that one up and pretty soon I was reading all kinds of things about flowers and you know. I got sucked in.” 

“Dan, you don’t have-” 

“Yes,” Dan said firmly. He wiggled back against Phil and yawned. “I’m sorry, I am. I know I’m not…” 

“Dan,” Phil interrupted, softly. 

“I want to be able to do this. I will be. I’m sorry.” Dan said it with such resolution, but also with a timber of anxiety, Phil knew he needed to let it go for the time being. 

“So what was it again?” Phil asked. 

“What was what?” 

“The flower?”

“Oh! Yeah. So it was the color of the flower. Different colors mean different things. White carnations mean pure love.” 

Phil thought of how important, how intense the need had been to find that one flower. How it felt as though something big hinged on having to find it. 

“Hm, must’ve been dreaming about Thor again,” he said. Dan laughed. Phil buried a delighted smile against Dan’s shoulder. 

“Well it certainly wasn’t about me,” Dan said, then giggled. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I don’t know that you’ve ever loved me in a pure way,” Dan said. He rolled over and, skipping all courtesies, slipped one wide palm under the hem of Phil’s pants to cup one arsecheek firmly. 

“Firstly,” Phil said, forcing himself not to roll closer to Dan, “I am half dead right now, are you not exhausted?” 

“Of course,” Dan said, only now he had Phil flat on his back and was industriously kissing down from his neck to his nipples. 

“And secondly, of course I’ve loved you in a pure way.” Phil groaned when Dan pushed his pants down impatiently. “Wanting to fuck you hardly takes away from that.” 

“Phil,” Dan said, dead serious. “Do not start saying sweet things right now. We’re going to fuck and sleep and tomorrow, after coffee and some muffins from the shop because fuck I’ve been craving one, _then_ you can say nice things.” 

“Dan,” Phil said, mimicking Dan’s serious tone, trying to keep a smile off his face and his hips flat on the bed. “I wouldn’t dream of saying nice things, even if you brought me a red velvet cupcake.” 

“Oh, thank god.” Dan caught Phil in a cursory kiss. “Now, c’mon let's make this quick. I can’t believe I’m letting you keep me up after the day we’ve had.” 

“Oh, shut up and blow me already,” Phil gasped through laughter, and then a moan as Dan did, sweetly, what he was told.

* * *

“Any dreams last night?” Dan asked Phil over coffee and toast. 

“Lots,” Phil replied, wincing as he burnt his tongue. He was always so impatient. It was one of those Phil traits that was by turns irritating and endearing. 

“Flowers?” Dan tried for casual but knew he failed. 

“You’ve asked me this like, every day for two weeks,” Phil said. “Don’t you think I’d’ve told you?” 

“Soz. I’m just—” 

“Fixated.” 

“ _Interested_.” Dan put down his mug, poked at his toast and then used the tip of his finger to organize the crumbs into a single pile. “Besides you haven’t answered my question.” 

“I did,” Phil said wearily. “I promise to feed your strange Wikipedia quest for flower dreams or whatever the moment I have something to share.” 

“See that you do,” Dan said, smiling and knocking his foot against Phil’s under the table. Phil was sleepy and soft and a bit pre-coffee cross. Dan probably shouldn’t find that adorable too but he’d had some lovely dreams of his own the night before, and didn’t think he could be faulted for it.

* * *

“Purple.” 

“What?” Dan yawned and stretched and tried to pull coherent thoughts together.

“So many purple flowers. I haven’t the faintest clue what they’re called. But there was a lot of purple,” Phil said. 

Dan rolled over and pressed his face against Phil’s hip. Phil was sipping coffee and was obviously much more awake than Dan. “You woke me for that?” 

“I got bored,” Phil said. Dan peeked up at him. Phil gave him a cheeky smile; Dan knew what that smile meant and while he didn’t object to a nice morning fuck in general, he was much too sweaty and disgusting for it at this moment. 

“You’ll just have to keep being bored bub, I’m off to shower.” 

“But _Da-an_ ,” Phil started. 

“Nope. You can join me but we both know what happened last time. Or you can wait patiently.” Dan forced himself out of bed, kissing Phil’s forehead as he went.

“It’s been well established that I suck at that.” Phil was pouting and really, there wasn’t much Dan could do about that other than laugh. “I’m going to join you, but no funny business.” Phil gulped what remained of his coffee.

“You’re telling me? I just said that,” Dan said. Phil followed him into the bathroom, already crowding close to Dan. Too close. 

“After,” Phil said. 

“Mmhm,” Dan said, justified in his skepticism when Phil kissed his shoulder. Dan tested the temperature of the water, twisting away. “None of that, or this’ll be a hard no.” 

Phil laughed but kept his hands to himself. And okay, that ‘hard no’ was a joke because Dan really was the easiest and he definitely hadn’t been opposed to sex in the first place. But they definitely didn’t have time for another shower-sex injury right now with all that was on their plates.

* * *

“All right,” Dan said. The door had barely slammed behind him and his shoes were still on. “Any of these the flowers from your dream?” 

“Jesus, Dan, are you kidding?” Phil clutched his heart. “You gave me a heart attack, why are you even home?” 

“Because I live here, you dingus.” Dan toed off his shoes carelessly. “My meeting let out early anyway.” It was a testament to how much Dan had startled him that Phil only then noticed the _enormous_ bouquet of purple flowers Dan had in hand. They were wrapped in white florist paper, and much too large for any one vase they owned. 

“What the hell is that monstrosity?” Phil asked, pulling himself off of the couch. 

“Is that how you respond to a grand romantic gesture?” Dan said. He trailed purple petals as he made his way to the kitchen. 

“If I thought this actually _was_ one I might. But this seems rather more like a self serving gesture.” 

“Can’t it be both?” Dan asked. He set the flowers on the counter gently. 

“I dunno.” Phil leaned over Dan’s shoulder to check out the flowers. They were lovely and definitely smelled nice. 

“Well, the romance isn’t dead yet budderino. It’s just being multitasked.” 

“I’m absolutely swooning,” Phil said, smiling when Dan snorted and turned to give him a wet, messy kiss on the cheek. 

“Anyway, help me out. I think we’ll need more than one vase.” 

“You think? This is massive, Dan.” 

“That’s what he said,” Dan retorted. 

“I believe the answer is actually, that’s what _you_ said.” 

“That’s what your mum said,” Dan said on instinct, then sighed, catching Phil’s joke a moment too late. 

They eventually had the flowers sorted. Dan opted to pull out the largest of them, big purple balls of clustered purple flowers that were truly lovely. The others included something with very delicate spikes of green and purple and a bunch that looked almost like a cross between the two: clusters of flowers but growing in a cone shape. Phil had no earthly idea how Dan expected him to figure out what the hell the difference between these were. 

“Did you ask the shop which was which?” Phil asked. 

“Okay,” Dan said with a deep sigh. “That...would have been a good idea. _Shit._ ” 

Phil laughed and squeezed Dan’s shoulders. Dan tended to hyperfocus on some details and forget to see other paths toward a goal. 

“That’s okay though, because I _did_ think ahead—” 

“—of course you did—”

“—and downloaded this app.” Dan waved his phone in Phil’s direction. “So I figured if any of these looked like your dream flowers, we could find out what they are.” 

“You know you’re downright obsessing to a worrying degree right?” Phil said, a tad more softly, treading carefully. Dan didn’t always want to be pressed into admitting he was struggling, and he didn’t like being reminded that his anxieties sometimes spiraled into this fixation on meaningless things. Like his current obsession with Phil’s dreams. 

“Just humor me, okay. It’s interesting, and it’s keeping me engaged. I could be laying on the floor right now.” His tone was both testy and insecure. Phil hugged him from behind. 

“I won’t lie, Dan, the dream was kind of a mess. I was stuck in a garden and I kept squashing flowers. I think they were like these?” Phil pointed to the large balls of tiny flowers. “Once I got out of there all there was were fields and fields of flowers. I suppose it was pretty. But I couldn’t get out of the field once I was in it, it was just never ending rows of them. It was a pretty stressful dream.” Phil laughed at his choice of words. “It was pretty, but also stressful. Take that as you will.” 

“Okay. So the fields of flowers, can you tell me more?” 

Phil sighed deeply. “Christ you’re annoying. I swear this is the last time I’m telling you about my dreams. I don’t know, they grew in clumps sort of like, small shrub size but not a shrub exactly?” 

“Your mum’s annoying. Wait, no. She’s not. I have no idea where _you_ got it from.” He leaned back against Phil, one hand resting on Phil’s where they were crossed over his stomach. “So I just need to take a picture of these with this app and it’ll tell me what flowers they are. Then we can look at pictures of how they grow,” Dan said. Phil smiled against Dan’s shoulder. Perhaps Phil was a touch worried, but at least Dan was interested, and engaged, and happy.

“All right, you get to researching then, and I’ll make dinner.” 

Dan turned toward him, suspicious. “Why’re you volunteering?” 

“Because it’ll get me away from your crazy,” Phil said and stuck out his tongue. Dan narrowed his eyes. “Well and it is my turn and…”

“And?” Dan gestured broadly, almost knocking one of the vases over. 

“Okay, do not let this feed your obsession, I swear I am done with this dream business after this. But. I kind of like the flowers. They smell nice. It’s almost like I’ve gone outside and I don’t have to feel guilty for not going outside.” 

Dan stared at him for a moment. “I’d say something about the ‘it’s my turn’ but the other half was sort of cute, so I’ll let it go and appreciate whatever you chose to feed me. What are you feeding me?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” 

“Give us a kiss then,” Dan said suddenly. Phil obliged. Dan took the easy kiss and, wrapping his arms around Phil’s neck, deepened it immediately. 

“Okay, okay,” Phil said, breaking away with a laugh. “God, you’re needy. I’m starving and you have research to do.” 

Dan stole another peck. It was only when he turned to go and a flash of purple on Phil’s periphery caught his eye that he remembered something important. He caught Dan’s hand and reeled him in for one more kiss. Short, and thorough, he ended it by smacking Dan’s ass. “Okay now outta here, the master needs room to work magic.” 

“What was that for?” Dan asked. 

“Thank you. Really. For the flowers.” Phil shrugged, already rooting around for a box of pasta. 

“Oh, okay. Well. Then.” Dan left quickly, trying to hide the small smile and pinked cheeks. Phil shook his head. Dan’s smiles lit everything up, and Phil had been trained toward them like a plant toward light for nine years. Maybe a huge pile of flowers could be played off as a joke but Phil knew Dan well enough to know that they were also a gift. Of the two of them, Dan was more the type to appreciate a romantic gesture, but that didn’t mean Phil was immune.

* * *

“Well, Master Chef, what have you for me tonight? Box pasta with premade sauce?” 

“Shut it, rat, or Master won’t share,” Phil said, waggling a finger at him. Dan just dimpled, all naughty smile and bright eyes. 

“What else does Master want?” Dan leaned forward, one elbow on the table, the shoulder of his oversized striped jumper sliding down. Phil set down a glass of wine he’d poured Dan, then trailed a finger over the soft skin on his way to his own seat. 

“Shut up and eat, dingus,” Phil said, and kicked Dan under the table. 

“Oi! Watch it, you’ll spill my very expensive, fine, perfectly aged wine.” 

“You bought it, you would know,” Phil said, laughing when Dan rolled his eyes. They both shut up for the 15 minutes it took to shovel dinner in—they had both been starving apparently. After, overly full and regretting eating so quickly, Phil plopped onto the sofa holding his belly. There were dishes on the table and the kitchen was a disaster, but that was a problem for Dan. Who, rather than taking care of it, had just flopped onto the couch next to him. 

“So, let’s have it then.” 

“Okay so, the poofy balls are hydrangeas,” Dan said, then paused for Phil’s snort of laughter. “So immature,” he chastised.

“Please, if I were talking about poofy balls you’d laugh.” 

“Whatever you say, you knob.” Dan paused for maximum dramatic effect. “ _Anyway_ , so those can mean different things—” 

“Like color and stuff, yeah, yeah,” Phil said, used to this one by now. 

“ _And_ ,” Dan continued, eyeballing Phil, “depending on occasion.”

“Like?” 

“Well like, I guess it’s a flower you’d give on a fourth anniversary to mean like, deep feels or something.” 

“That...doesn’t seem terribly relevant if you’re secretly trying to decode my dreams.” 

“Well, I’m doing a shit job at keeping it a secret if I’m including you in it,” Dan said. Phil rolled his eyes and poked Dan’s cheek. “Look, the internet is vast and I had five minutes to research. _But_ purple ones _can_ mean that someone wants to like, get a deeper understanding of another person.” 

“Like...if I were to buy purple ones for you on purpose that would be code for, I wanna know more?” Phil asked. “That seems like so much work.” 

“Tell your subconscious that,” Dan said. 

“Dan, this is actively ridiculous, you don't even believe in this shit.” 

“Well, but it’s fun,” Dan said. Phil watched as Dan shifted a bit, shoulders tightening, and wanted to kick himself. 

“It is.” Phil widened his eyes and nodded when Dan shot him a _don’t patronize me_ look. “Tell me more, what are the other flowers?” 

“Really?” Dan asked. 

“Really,” Phil said. He scooted closer, despite his past-capacity stomach. 

“Well you said clumps, so I think lavender. It can grow in fields in rows, like this see?” Dan tilted his phone toward Phil. 

“Oh, we’ve seen those before!” They had, in fact, seen many things in their world travels, particularly as they did the driving portion of their UK tour. “They’re pretty. So hit me with that sweet knowledge.” 

“Shut up,” Dan said, then put his head on Phil’s shoulder. “Okay so lavender is for devotion and virtue.” 

“Oh, huh.” 

“And since we know you have no virtue because you’re a dirty slut-”

“Oi! Don’t slut shame me!” 

“I’m not, I love it,” Dan said, and bit Phil’s shoulder. Phil squirmed away and giggled.

“Anyway, I’m going to decide it has something to do with devotion.” 

“Yep, it makes sense. I’m totally devoted to the dirty, dirty sex.” 

“Fuck off,” Dan said, shoving Phil away, then shrieking with laughter when Phil tackled back. His phone went flying, landing on the hard floor with a clatter, but by then Phil was biting Dan’s shoulder back as well.

* * *

Phil was face-deep in a bowl of cereal when he heard Dan begin to shuffle around. A flash of guilty fear lanced through him before he realized he was eating his own cereal, and therefore wouldn’t have to shove it all into his mouth in the five minutes it took Dan to use the loo and come upstairs. He needn't really be afraid anyway, or guilty, considering that at this point, he mostly did it to needle Dan. And, well, because the cereal was delicious. 

Dan shambled in, rubbing one eye and yawning. He’d been dead asleep when Phil woke an hour before. Judging from the bags under his eyes, he could have used another hour or two. 

“You came to bed late,” Phil remarked. He vaguely remembered looking at the time when Dan crawled under the covers, bringing a delicious warmth with him Phil had unabashedly snuggled into. 

“Thoughts. Writing.” Dan stood in front of the sink, frowning. Phil rose and fixed him some coffee. 

“Here,” he said, and handed it off. He only smirked a little at Dan’s soft _oh!_ as he realized that was what he’d been wanting. “Come sit with me.” He put his hands on Dan’s shoulders and guided him to the table. Phil would ask if Dan wanted to eat, but he looked so wrung out and bleary, he didn’t want to put Dan through a decision making process. Phil knew how that went. He hated questions when he felt like the walking dead. 

“Thank you,” Dan said. Phil kept his hands on Dan’s shoulders, rubbing them a little. Dan turned and pressed his cheek against Phil’s arm and nuzzled. It was pretty fucking cute. 

“You all right?” 

“Tired,” Dan said. He didn’t move for long minutes, and only then when the coffee had cooled enough to drink. Phil kissed his frizzing curls and went into the living room to grab his computer. He had work to do but wanted to sit with Dan; he was sort of irresistibly adorable like this, but also, Phil wanted to make sure Dan was okay. He worked in silence for a good half hour before Dan had finished his coffee. Even then, Dan was quiet, staring into space. He was waking up, as evidenced by the tapping of his fingers against the table. The more he woke, the more he tapped. Something was on his mind. 

“Wanna talk?” Phil asked finally. 

“I ought to water the plants today,” Dan replied. Not ready to talk yet, then, Phil decided. 

“Isn’t it my turn?” Phil asked lightly. Dan shrugged. 

When he stood, passing near Phil, Phil reached out to catch his hand, only just barely managing not to fall out of his chair. Dan righted him with a chuckle.

“Would you like to eat before you go on a plant quest? I’ll make you a smoothie if you like.” 

“Phil, I’m fine,” Dan said. He squeezed Phil’s shoulder. 

“I’m sure you are. How about I make it _while_ you water the plants. Or anything else?” 

“No offense mate, but if you make me breakfast, I don’t want to have to deal with cleaning up the unholy mess you’d make,” Dan said, but with a smile. Phil smiled back, because how could he not? Dan’s unguarded smiles had that effect on him. 

“What if I promise not to make a mess? Or clean up after if I do make one?” 

“Phil, I’m _fine_ ,” Dan stressed. He kissed Phil between the eyebrows. “I had an idea last night and was writing, is all. I’m just tired today.” 

“Well I don’t think we’ve any meetings today, what about going back to bed?” Phil stood, awkwardly bumping into the table as he tried to manage scooting his chair back and not stepping on Dan’s toes. He rubbed his hip where he whacked it on the table. 

“If I’m going back to bed, you’re coming with me,” Dan said. This time when he kissed Phil, it was on the lips, with intent. And morning breath. 

“Eating first. And brushing of teeth. _Then_ we can negotiate,” Phil said firmly. 

“Where’s the negotiation in that mate?” Dan said. He picked up Phil’s cereal bowl with a sigh. “You’ve set all the terms.” 

Phil pulled Dan in by the hem of his shirt and then grabbed his ass. “You can choose anything you like after that.” 

“Hm.” Dan snuffled his way into the crook of Phil’s neck, wrapping his arms tightly around Phil. It was perhaps not the most fervent response, but it was one. A slightly more affectionate one that he generally got from Dan first in the morning, but well. He’d set the terms after all. Still. Dan definitely had something on his mind. Phil would weasel it out of him after.

* * *

“ _Holy_ ,” Phil gasped, “ _shit_. Dan. _DanDanDan._ ” He slapped at Dan’s shoulder weakly. It was pretty much the only warning he could give, but that was okay, that was fine, everything was lovely gold-spun pleasure that Dan had drawn out for ages. Dan’s grin when he pulled off was wicked, his mouth spit glistening, his curls an absolute _mess_ from Phil’s shaking hands grabbing. And it was all gorgeous and amazing and _oh_ , Dan’s hand on him was practiced and exactly what Phil needed to bow up into, to come hard into, eyes closed and teeth biting deep into his lip. 

It was only when he was done that he felt Dan’s finger on his lips. Phil had bitten his lower lip so hard he’d left indentations. “Careful there,” Dan said, low and close. He kissed Phil, just fleetingly. Phil was dizzy with it, with the afterglow of orgasm and how much Dan made him _feel_ , how often it was in the aftermath of sex that Dan brought out the most from Phil. 

Phil often felt like he loved Dan like a reflex. Like loving him was automatic. But then there were these moments, brilliant ones, where love felt concentrated and almost painful, deep in his chest. He was never sure if it felt so big because the rest of the time, it just _was_ in the background, or if the reason it just _was_ was because he had to compartmentalize or be damned to a life of overwhelming chest pain. 

“Dan,” he slurred. “D’you know how much I love you?” He pulled Dan on top of him, kissed his cheek and the side of his nose and his lips. Dan laughed, but it was okay, because it was fond and soft and his fingers were in Phil’s hair. 

“You’re always so stupid after you come,” Dan said, kissing him lightly one more time. 

“‘M not stupid.”

“You’re orgasm-drunk and stupid and yes, I know.” 

“‘Kay. Cause I really do.” 

“Well, if you do, could you get on with showing rather than telling?” Dan shifted on top of him. He was so hard, pressed against Phil’s leg. Phil pushed him off and rolled Dan onto his back. 

“These were your terms,” Phil said, “You’ll have to tell me exactly what you want. In detail.” Dan groaned and covered his eyes but pushed Phil down by the shoulder. Sex was one of the few times Dan was unable to speak. Coherently at least. 

“Get me off, buffoon. Instructions given,” Dan managed, sighing when Phil kissed his hip and wrapped his hand around him. Phil laughed but got to work. He wanted to draw it out the way Dan had but, well. He was rather impatient and loved how Dan looked and sounded when he came. Plus Dan was worked up enough that Phil didn’t think he had it in him either.

* * *

Dan was mostly quiet the rest of the day. Every now and then Phil would catch him staring, but he’d look away quickly or busy himself elsewhere. Phil’s curiosity tended to know no bounds but he also knew that pushing would probably only make Dan retreat. So instead he gritted his teeth and made himself busy as well. 

“I know it’s still early but I thought I’d check what you want for dinner tonight?” Phil asked, rounding into the kitchen. He stopped dead at the sight of Dan on his hands and knees, scrubbing the floors. “Dan,” he said cautiously. “We have got a mop.” 

Dan looked up, blowing a sweaty flop of hair off of his forehead. Phil supposed that he didn’t want to touch his hair with damp hands. 

“I know,” Dan said, his usual wry smile familiar and welcome after a day of pensive silence. “I meant to clean up where I’d spilled—” he jerked a shoulder toward a mug on the counter, “—only so close to the floor I noticed how dirty it was under the edge of the cabinet. Then it got away from me.” 

“May I come in?” Phil was all too familiar with the dangers of treading on Dan’s clean floors. Dan nodded. Phil squatted down and pushed Dan’s hair off of his forehead for him, earning a sweet smile. 

“I’m almost done here. How do you feel about takeaway? Maybe from the vegan place that does the burgers.” 

Phil resisted the urge to make a joke about said ‘burgers’, which he’d secretly taken to calling ‘furgers’, but with herculean effort he really ought to be commended for, managed to keep it in. 

“I just feel a bit guilty, going to see the trainer if we’ve eaten crap four days in a row.” 

“Mood,” Phil said darkly. Their trainer was amazing, generally, but he had a way of _looking_ at Phil. It always felt a bit like he was staring right into Phil’s soul. Phil’s food and exercise habit soul at least. “I probably should have exercised recently too eh?” 

Dan, who was trying very hard to hold on to his routines and self care, had gone for a run the day before. 

“We have time,” Dan said shyly, “If you want to do some yoga with me?” 

Phil didn’t particularly want to do yoga, but he also tended to hate the idea of exercise generally. And the first five to ten minutes of it. But the idea of doing yoga with Dan was nice. Dan always tried to be cross with Phil when he’d inevitably fall or mix up his rights and lefts; he complained that Phil had the least restful state of mindfulness when they ended with savasana. Still, they had fun. It would be a nice end to an odd rollercoaster of a day.

“I’d love that.”

* * *

When they were done, Phil rolled onto his side. He’d managed to quiet his brain for about 45 seconds, then to remain still for a whole minute before he had to move. Dan was breathing deeply, curls sweat-wet, face still flushed. Phil felt a bit like a damp towel himself. But an exhausted one. Watching Dan felt like a much wiser enterprise than trying to ‘rest’ his mind. 

Dan held out his hand. His eyes were still closed, but when Phil took it, Dan squeezed it three times. _I love you_. Phil squeezed back. _Message received_. 

“I had a dream,” Dan said after a pause so long Phil had been starting to doze off. His left arm was numb, his shoulder aching where it was pressed against the hard floor. He didn’t dare move. 

“Oh?” 

“You’ll laugh.” 

“I won’t,” Phil said. He felt Dan’s silent eyeroll. “Well, I’ll do my best.” 

“I just—I don’t want you to like, think it’s a thing. It’s not. I mean I don’t think…”

“ _Dan_ ,” Phil said, patience for the day exhausted. 

“There were flowers, see,” Dan said. He opened his eyes and rolled over, propping his head up on his hand. No longer scared to disturb his savasana, Phil tried to do the same, only as the blood rushed back into his arm, he swore, then worked his way into sitting cross legged. It wasn’t his most graceful moment, especially considering that he refused to let go of Dan’s hand. 

“I almost wish I’d never gotten you those flowers, you’re obsessed, man,” Phil said. 

“Why d’you not wish it?” Dan asked. 

Phil’s insides squirmed. “I dunno. Sometimes I like your face. When it smiles.” _When you light up like you did_. 

“Shut up.” Dan squeezed his eyes shut. “Anyway. There were just...so many. I tried all day to figure out what they were and can’t, it’s been making me crazy.” 

“Maybe the dream was telling you to let the obsession go,” Phil suggested.

“Weweregettingmarried,” Dan blurted in a rush.

“Say again?” Phil squinted. 

“It was like...a chapel? But not. Full of flowers. Like no one was there but the seats were full of flowers. There was actually nothing there to like, say ‘wedding!’ other than I knew, you know?” 

“Yeah.” Phil said. He was studying Dan carefully. Several questions tangled in his throat. Dan was looking both defensive and shy. Phil didn’t want to misstep. 

“Let’s get dressed. I’m starving,” Dan said suddenly, springing up. Phil’s palm tingled with sudden cold. 

“Oh,” Phil said, faintly, watching Dan retreat. “All right.”

* * *

Phil offered to get the food, The restaurant was only around the block and honestly, he needed out of the apartment. Everything was so oppressively awkward and he had _no idea why_. He didn’t think it was coming from him, but never let one accuse Phil of being completely self aware. 

It was a lovely evening. Very London in February, which meant cold and damp, but the sky was clearing, gilding the edges of a bank of clouds to the west. Edges caught fire, they made a startling contrast of nearly black clouds with a sherbert and red sky behind. Phil paused a moment to breath, to enjoy the sight. He was bumped by a busy pedestrian within seconds, but it was long enough to calm. 

Okay, so he was feeling some type of way. But...he was sure that Dan was as well. Phil was caught off guard, curious about a million things but not...agitated. Dan definitely was. Phil absolutely was not willing to sleep on that feeling, so after fake burgers he was definitely getting Dan to talk this out with him.

* * *

They were quiet during their meal, distracted by their phones and, Phil was sure, mutually avoiding...something. Phil was avoiding it simply because Dan seemed to be. For all Phil knew, _Dan_ was doing the same, although he doubted it. Dan was doing the looking and looking away thing and after a day of it Phil really felt he was quickly nearing the end of his tether with the whole situation. He rose to clear the table without speaking. Dan thanked him. 

“Movie night?” he asked Phil meekly. 

“Sure,” Phil said, forcing himself to smile. Forcing himself not to tug on Dan’s ridiculous hair. “I’ll make the popcorn, you sort the drinks.” 

Phil found Dan with the Netflix menu already open, curled up on one end of the couch, facing toward where Phil might sit, rather than forward. Phil set the popcorn between them with a sigh, and handed a piece of kitchen roll to him. 

“Choose something?”

“D’you want to get married?” 

Phil's heart fell through his ass so hard he thought it might have fallen down several floors. “Are you—are you...proposing?” Phil squeaked. 

“No! No.” Dan took a breath, obviously thrown. He covered his face. 

“Oh good,” Phil said faintly. “I think.” 

“Wait do you?”

“Wait, _never_?” They spoke simultaneously. Phil waited five excruciating seconds for Dan to speak before gesturing at him impatiently. 

“Well, why’ve I got to speak? You spoke too,” Dan said. He was only a little cross and definitely very nervous, picking at his fingernails and pulling his fingers through his hair over and over. 

“ _You_ asked a question,” Phil said. He _was_ beginning to feel a bit cross himself. 

“I mean, we’ve talked about this before,” Dan hedged. With his hair wild from his fingers and his shoulders up, he bore some small resemblance to a hedgehog actually. It was adorable. But no. No adorableness right now. 

“Well that must answer the questions,” Phil said, scrambling to remember what had been said, or when, last. They talked about a lot of things the first years that, for obvious reasons, were never going to work with the way their lives had been the last several.

“Does it?” Dan asked.

“Oh, must you be so cryptic?” Phil’s head was beginning to hurt. “Are you intentionally speaking in non-answers so we talk in circles or something?” 

“No,” Dan said and looked down, so softly Phil almost didn’t hear him. 

“Soz,” Phil said, then moved the popcorn, spilling a handful all over the floor. He ignored Dan’s huffing. “Look, I’m just tired. This whole day has been weird. Can’t we just talk it out?” 

“I’m trying!” 

“Dan, you’re trying to get me to say things about something you’ve been obsessing about all day! Things have obviously departed for some thought station in here—” he tapped Dan’s forehead— “and I am not on the train.” 

“Well, get on the train then, loser,” Dan said, only with a small smile and then when Phil poked his face, a chuckle. 

“Let me on then, you knob,” Phil said. “I’ll start you off. You had a dream...and it felt….?”

“Vivid. Important.” 

“Important how?” Phil tucked his toes under Dan’s thigh. 

Dan spread his hands and shrugged. “I wish I knew. It was one of those dreams where everything feels like...visceral. So important. Like, I _had_ to marry you or bad things would happen.” 

“And when you woke up?”

“I dunno,” Dan picked at a loose thread on the hem of his sweatshirt cuff. “Anxious. Really anxious.” 

“Like…’we needed to get married’ anxious?” Phil trode carefully, with his tone. He didn’t at all want Dan to think he was making fun of him. He didn’t really think Dan’s anxiety had anything to do with a need to get married, but...he wasn’t Dan. 

“No. Just generally anxious at first. And then wondering if it meant like, my subconscious wanted me to do it. Or ask. And then I was anxious because I hadn’t thought of it in so long, I was like, ‘wait Dan do _you_ want to get married?’ and then I realized I could not remember what we’d said about it last, and _then_ I realized it was all stupid because I’m like, you know. Not out. Yet.” 

Phil thumbed Dan’s lower lip so he’d stop biting it and took Dan’s hand. 

“But that made me feel like I was going to throw up half the day and cleaning the floors wasn’t helping but you were and after yoga everything felt much quieter.” Dan tilted his head. “Quiet enough that I thought, ‘arsehole you can _talk_ to Phil about it.’” 

“And you can.” Phil squeezed Dan’s hand, smiling when Dan smiled. His was encouraging, Dan’s was a little sad. Maybe they didn’t match but they were there, which was more than Phil hoped for some days. 

“Maybe my brain is redirecting me to have anxiety elsewhere. Or adding anxiety because it’s a fucker. Or maybe my brain just actually feels like we need to get married _or else_.” 

“Um, could be?” Phil didn’t generally put much stock into dream meanings, but he definitely believed in the power of the mind to do some weird shit, as well as the power of human ability to turn everything into disarray over said shit. “Dan, you know I’ll be with you no matter what, right?” Phil said. He’d latched onto something in Dan’s monologue and even if all of this wasn’t necessarily about Dan’s fears over coming out, he thought it might be best to clear that one up right quick.

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah! Dumbass, are you really worried about this?” 

Dan covered his face again. “No! I don’t know. I’m…a mess. I’m tired of being a mess, Phil.” Dan tipped forward until his forehead was pressing against Phil’s collarbone. 

“You’re not a mess.” Phil cradled Dan’s head with one hand and breathed in his lovely Dan-scent. 

“Come off it, man, we both know I am.” 

“Well, if you are, it doesn’t matter, because you’re my mess and I’ll take you any way you come,” Phil said staunchly. He thought maybe he read a small movement that was a silent laugh, but otherwise, it was quiet. “Dan?” 

“Hm?”

“I’d marry you right now if you wanted to. I’ll marry you in ten years if you want. I don’t _not_ want it.” 

“But you don’t necessarily really want it?” Dan pulled away. His cheeks were brilliant red. 

“No, not that. It’s just not been on my mind lately. I guess I just figured stuff like that would sort itself in time, but like...when we _have_ time. We’re a bit busy right now. We’re going to be a bit busy for a little while. You know I’m pretty shit at multitasking.” 

Dan rolled his eyes but laughed, which was lovely because that’s what Phil wanted most then. 

“And if I said I _do_ wanted to get married—hypothetically—you wouldn’t be like, pity marrying me?” 

“You’re such a footstool,” Phil cried, “Didn’t I just say that?”

“Shut up, you arse,” Dan said, then laughed and shrieked when Phil tickled him. Phil took that opportunity to stick his face in Dan’s neck, biting it softly until Dan pushed him away. “Nonono! Naughty!” Dan wiped at his neck and shuddered dramatically. 

“So… _do_ you want to?” Phil asked, trying to be very, very careful with his tone. 

Dan looked at Phil for a very long, quiet moment. He touched Phil’s nose and lips and ear very softly, then pulled Phil in toward him until they were snuggled tightly. “Yeah, maybe one day. Grab the popcorn, yeah?” 

“Yeah, okay,” Phil responded, not quite sure but hoping Dan got that the ‘yeah’ applied to both. 

Dan turned on a film—Phil had no idea what he’d picked and was struggling mightily to focus—when he spoke again, low in Phil’s ear. 

“But, Phil, you’ve _got_ to promise me something.”

“Okay,” Phil craned to look back at Dan. 

“Absolutely no flowers.” 

Phil laughed and shifted and tucked himself in so he could put his cheek to Dan’s chest, to time the lovely, strong thumping of his heart. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

**Author's Note:**

> Many, many thanks to [Daye](https://dayevsphil.tumblr.com) for the beta work!
> 
> If you enjoyed feel free to visit and[reblog](https://judearaya.tumblr.com/post/623403390344544256) this story on tumblr! Also be sure to click on the art link and show Jorzuela some love :D Comments make everyone happy


End file.
